We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
