I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
