they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
