Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
