Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
