I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
