I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I checked into jail on foursquare
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
