I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
