My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
