remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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