So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
