She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunk is not a location!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
