singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
