I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
