Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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