I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
