a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
