I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
