I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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