i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
