Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
