you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
