Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
