end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
