I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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