i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
