fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
