I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
