This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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