I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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