That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
