So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
