U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
