I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
