I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
