I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
