This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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