I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
