Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize