Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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