but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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