she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
