if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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