I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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