I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You took a bar mat shot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
