he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
