Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
