Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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