Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
