It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
