yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
