I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
