Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
