I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
