Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
