my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
