you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
