she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
