fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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