Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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