come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
