You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
