I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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